Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
