Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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