where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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