Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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