I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
