Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
