If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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