We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
