my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize