plz talk dirty to me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
