I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
too bad you live with your parents still
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
