hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
