i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
