i just made my gag reflex go away.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
