Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize