I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
