I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
