Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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