I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
