you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
