I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
