Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
