Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
