My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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