I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
God, I missed his penis.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
