I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
