I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
