And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
