Sry I called you an 8
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
