We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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