I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
