What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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