I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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