So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
