so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
