I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
