There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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