Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize