You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
