You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
