I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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