I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
