An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
