counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
