on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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