i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
