i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he puts the penis in happiness.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
