idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
