Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
this hospital has no fireball
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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