I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
