so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
