yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
