My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
