He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
