i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
