lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
