I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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