totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
