What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
