he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
