Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
