Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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