Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
