i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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