I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
