Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize