The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
