I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
