I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
