i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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