Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
