Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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