If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize