I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
