half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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