We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
