the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
