Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
