My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
