Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize