I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
