I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
