i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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