Me too!
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I supernannyed him into submission
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
