I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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