any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
