Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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