I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
