We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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