he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
