He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
