watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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