i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
