people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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