we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
