Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
