He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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