I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
