just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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