I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
