we're chasing vodka with high fives
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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